If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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