so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize