If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
