So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All the doctor said was why
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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