im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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