she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
