Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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