Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
