I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
