God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
