We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
