How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My feet surprised me
There are leaves in my underwear?
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