Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize