What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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