I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
