To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
