1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
