If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
