she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I love you. Go after that dick
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
