Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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