we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
