I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
