I just pynch a tree in the face
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
