Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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