Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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