So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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