I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
