I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
