I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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