direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
