a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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