She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
