margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm way too hungover for life right now
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
