i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
