Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
