No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
