Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
