I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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