is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
