Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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