...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I did not marry a roomba.
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