Fuck appropriateness.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
