do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize