just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
