Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
