You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
