That's intense
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
