so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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