My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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