He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize