ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
