In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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