babies were throwing up all over the place
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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