I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
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