why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
