Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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