I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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