i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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