i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm getting married
To pizza
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
