Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize