do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
