I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
