it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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