She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
