All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
