It's Friday. Sex?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
