you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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