Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize