Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
