Your dad touched me again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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