Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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