how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have demons in me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
